Search This Blog

Sunday, June 19, 2011


As Father's Day comes in I am reminded once again of my own father, a great man that was the greatest example of love to me. After 11 years the sting of his absence still haunts me every day. So I would be remiss if I didn't start this blog by paying homage to my own father; So I say thank you daddy for all that you were & still are in my life I love you. 

I have seen on this virtual world many posts saying "Happy Fathers day to all the real fathers" and the like and that makes me wonder what makes one a "real" father? I know many will say those that are actively involved in their child's life. I submit that being a real father isn't always about being active. I thought being a good father was about putting your child's need before your own. Under that assessment I would say that any man that knows he isn't ready to be a father so he steps aside and allows someone who is to father his child is an excellent example of a father.

I say this because thats exactly what my father did. He stood aside during the time that he was not emotionally or financially capable of being effective as a father allowing me to have another father figure. When he felt he was stable enough to give me what I  needed he repositioned himself in my life, not forcibly but very gently allowing us to have a great relationship.

He wasn't always in a position to provide for me financially but he always let me know if I needed him he would be there and until his passing he held true to that fact. Why do we not say "Happy Mother's Day to the real mother's" not all mothers do their job (effective or ineffective). Not all women who have children are mother's yet we don't take the time to distinguish between "real" mothers but we make it a point to point out a man's short comings. I know personally there are lots of men that would love to be father's but the child's mother prevent it in many ways. 

More often than not men who want to be in their children's lives are blocked by bitter vindictive women who make it their mission to smear that father every chance they get. Not really telling truths about why that father isn't around, which is usually because they are being small and petty. I have come to realize that men are considered dead beats due to financial responsibility. Im not saying that men shouldn't be financially responsible but what I am saying is it takes more than a check to raise a child. If you tell a man all he is worth in his child's life is as a check then don't call him a dead beat or demean his character when you wont even allow him to see the child unless his child support payments are regular. These types of situations cause more damage to the children than the father's.

Then there are those who hide children from father's while collecting support. This is as despicable an action as any I have come across. I think we need to take our feelings about a man's status as a father and reevaluate it. Father's are just what their title implies... Father's.  Who are we to determine what makes a man a father? Especially when we don't apply the same standard to mother's. I wrote a poem for my father....It is called I Am My Father's Child....enjoy

I Am My Father's Child by Lyrical~Toye (c) 2010 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

I am my fathers child
Not because the mirror reflects him 
not because my dna acknowledges him to 99.99%
Not because I carry his name and lineage
I am my fathers child 
Cuz he spoke life into me 
Breathed the breath of trust in me 
See my father was a rolling stone 
Or at least he was rolling stoned 
Or so the story goes 
They told me he never let the grass
Grow under his feet 
At least until the day he met me 
I was his reincarnation in flesh
That he was able to witness 
To touch hold mold and watch grow
So he patted my head 
And gave me hugs and kisses 
Validated me as a person and a woman not just his child 
So when his face reflects in my mirror
I cant help but smile
He kissed my boo-boos when I scrapped my knee
See I remember Sundays with my dad 
Eating hot dogs watching football games 
He taught me to love the Lakers 
Hate the Cowboys 
But respect talent
Through his flaws and demons that plagued him 
he taught me the true worth of a man
Held my hand through the worst times in my life
But see it was his words that held me 
From adolescence to adult hood
He smiled at me with pride in his eyes
And I can honestly say my father never told me a lie 
I am my fathers child 
Not because he payed monetary child support 
But because he gave me emotional support and stability 
I Trusted his wisdom 
Whenever he spoke to me 
He was my best friend and my greatest supporter
It wasn’t his sperm that made me his daughter 
It was his heart 
Bigger than the world is round 
So when I see him reflected in my mirror 
I just smile 
His nose, his eyes and his mothers cheeks
His spirit, his heart were passed on to me 
I am the reincarnation of him that he lived to behold
I am my fathers child 
Not because he gave me the best of everything 
But because he gave me the best of him 
And guess what I'm spoiled rotten
Because He said thats how I should be
In his life there was nothing more important than me 
He taught me self worth and to be a woman of integrity
That no man’s love can trump a fathers Love 
I was truly daddy’s little girl
I still am
Tho he rest in heaven I can proudly say
I am my fathers child

Happy Father's Day