As 2010 comes to a close I think its time that I address something that seems to never get enough light shined on it. I am not an authority on anything I am just a woman who observes and speaks on what she observes.
Looking back over the last twenty years of my life I have come to realize that not all men are dogs and laying down with dogs will get you fleas. I say that to say this "Ladies come on...really its time that we stop trying to punish men for our own BS and realize that the only people we are truly hurting is the innocent..... your children."
I am going to back up and give it to you from the beginning. I have seen too many women use their children as pawns to extort men. Now whether it be time money sex relationship whatever this is probably the most disgusting display I have ever seen from women. I know there are plenty of men who leave their kids all on their own but for every man that leaves on his own there are two that are being kept away for the mothers own selfish reason. Then she turns around and berates him in front of the children and anyone else who will listen.
Now again I am just a woman who observes and speaks on those observations. So don't take my word as gospel its just my thoughts opinions beliefs and views.
In society today we always hear about dead beat dads that aint good for nothing. Which is hilarious to me cause what can a man do to really win this argument. Let's look at it; Suppose the dude doesn't have a job and then goes and get a job at Mc Donald's and is only making small money. He gives what he can when he can and tries to spend as much time with his kid as he can and the mother says something like..."gone to your little job with your little money...you cant pay no bills round here what I'm supposed to do with that." or "You aint making no real money".
Scenario 2... He doesn't have a job but wants to help anyway he can, until he gets a job. The female response is "you gotta pay to be the boss" or she pull the "Child support card" now he locked up and cant find a job cuz she got him on child support.
Scenario 3....He walk away and don't want to be bothered....Thats the man she chasing. Thats the man she begging to spend time with his kid...blowing up his phone at his house his momma house his auntie house his mansannem house.....never file child support on him....
Now lets look at it from a different perspective. He doesn't want her...but wants to be apart of his child's life...but he cant cuz she uses the child as leverage, to force him to be with her or whatever. Now the dude is forced to chose between his child and his child's mother. Why? because she cant accept that its over. Then resentment settles and now she is trying to get him where it hurts by putting the child support on him relentlessly. Or the likely scenario that if he cant see me then he cant see the kids.
The only people that truly suffer in this is the children. The child is never to be used to coerce a man to do what you want him to do. Why has this behavior become more and more acceptable but not just acceptable but supported and encouraged. Why are we so supportive of the wrongest thing no matter what it is and who is doing it . Why do we encourage women who collect welfare food stamps and medicare that live in public housing and never worked a real job in their lives to get everything they can out of a man cause he had the unfortunate luck to get her pregnant.
I am not saying that some men don't hold any responsibility for their actions. I am simply saying that in these situations where children are used to keep fathers in check is beyond sad. No man should ever have to chose between his child and their mother. What do you gain as a woman by keeping a father away from him child?
I am a woman that has children whose father is not as active as I would like physically or financially but if he calls I don't prevent phone calls. I realize that the relationship between the child and their father has nothing to do with me. Why cant we see beyond ourselves and see what's best for our children.
No man who wants to be in his child's life should have monetary contingencies preventing him from seeing them. Why prevent a father from doing what he can rather than what you want. Relationships are just as important as checks, if not more.
Our children suffer more than the men do. We have to begin to do what's best for our children. As parents we are supposed to forego our needs for those of our children. Its called sacrifice and responsibility but today its all about getting over, and getting as much as possible with as little effort or work as possible.